Justin stubbed his toe playing soccer barefoot.
Now, I am not trying to call out all men here, but Justin’s aliments seem to double in pain compared to mine. Once he started to complain about his toe, I started to describe in full, graphic detail how I birthed these large headed-children and a few hours later I was up, feeding, changing diapers and staring into those beauties’ eyes all the while hoping everything would shrink back to normal.
Back to the toe.
We took the kids to the pool that next day where Justin was, no joke, dragging his entire foot behind him. I kept mouthing to him “Stop it, stop it!”
Then, someone grabbed my eye. Justin had met him before and he was a veteran who was injured in the line of duty. He had one leg and this guy jumped out of his chair, happily hopped all the way to the pool where he entered with a perfect can-opener.
Justin stopped dragging his leg that day.
Perspective.
Perspective is funny, because we were all created so differently. We see things how we personally perceive them, but the truth never lies within our own assumptions.
I will be turning 36 next month and I have been watching my life just passing me by likes pages on book. One day is turned and gone.
And another.
And another.
I’ve seen myself slip into a slump of feeling insignificant. See, I am the pastor’s wife. Pastor’s wives should be major volunteer leaders in the Children’s Ministry while running a women’s small group and retreat.
Nope. Not this lady. If you are content to come over, plop on my bed while we watch terrible TV, sometimes in silence, and at times I might randomly cry and if it isn’t my turn, you are welcome to cry too....I’m game for that.
I just sit there. I sit there because the thought of fulfilling my full potential is overwhelming, a little terrifying and most days, mediocrity will do.
Justin constantly reminds me that my life isn’t over, that I have something to bring that only I can bring, and that—in his words—“I can straight dominate whatever I want to…” But, I’ve only focused on the reality that the years of energy and firm skin are soon to be in my rear-view mirror leaving me without the opportunity to have an impact in this world. I haven’t been able to find perspective.
Listen, for the past six plus months I have shared a jail sized office with two other women, and it has been one of my favorite things ever. Put a toilet and coke machine in that office and we may have never left! When you are in such proximity with people, they become “your people.” When you can simply turn around at any moment and express a thought or emotion and have it heard, well—wow…it’s a beautiful thing.
I had the moment where I turned around and just blurted out what my current routine of nothingness was (which was nothing), how I worried about being depressed or a failure of a pastor’s wife, how I would stare at my Bible, but the stories just felt stale and dare I say, boring. My work roommate said, “Me too!”
More perspective.
These past few months have felt so lonely because I chose to do it alone. But the moment when I turned to someone that I trusted and spoke what I felt was the laziest, ugliest part of me on that day, it brought it all to light.
I could stop hustling for my friendships.
They are always there.
They are waiting.
Clawing my way out of these seasons has only happened when I chose to invite friends into the lies I was telling myself—quiet lies from the enemy that say I’m not good enough, I don’t have potential, I’ve wasted my chance to influence, I’m not as good as (fill in the blank) person. These are lies that directly tear down the God-given personality, gifts and potential that are deeply ingrained within me.
I am thankful that God knows me and my potential. I’m thankful that God places people in my life to speak truth when the lies seem the loudest.
It’s time to grab a hand and start moving forward or clawing or digging—grab a friend and get unstuck. Earthly perspective can easily be crushed by holding on to the truth that is Jesus. And sometimes, we need those people to encourage us to regain that perspective that is the truth.
But, we have to start somewhere.
“I always get to where I am going by walking away from where I have been.”- Winnie the Pooh