Do you ever find that kids always ask the hard questions when you’re on your own with them? And how it always seems that I’m the one they ask them to? Why can’t they save at least some of those questions for their dad?!
Anyway…
Several weeks ago, I was sitting down to dinner with my kids. For some reason, my husband wasn’t home, and it was just me, Jacob (8) and Avery (6 at the time, she’s since had a birthday). Avery is usually the first one done, but for some reason this night she lingered. So, we had fun talking about 6-year-old little girl things: Littlest Pet Shops, boys, Squishees, boys, American Girl dolls, boys. You get the idea.
Then, seemingly out of the blue, she started bombarding me with hard questions. She asked me, “Why do mommies and daddies get divorced?” As I was still scrambling to figure out how to answer that question, she quickly followed up with “Are you and daddy going to get divorced? Can girls marry girls? And if two ‘twibblings’ are stuck together (conjoined) how do they get married?”
What!?!?!
How would I even begin to answer these questions in a way that she would understand? I mean, she was only 6. And why is she asking these questions? And what are “twibblings?!”
I had no idea how to respond, so I found myself saying a short prayer asking God to give me the right words. And He did! After that, the right words just came to me. I was able to answer her questions in a way she would understand and ask follow-up questions to find out what in the world prompted these questions in the first place. We ended up having a great conversation!
It occurred to me that I’m not the only parent dealing with hard questions from inquisitive kids :) So I wanted to share some things that have helped me when having difficult conversations.
- Listen without interrupting (or acting crazy). It’s not easy to listen to your kiddos asking if mommy and daddy are going to get divorced! But I want to be the one my kids are asking these questions to and if I freak out, they’re going to find someone else to ask their questions to.
- Take a breath, pause for a minute and pray before responding. For real, every time the kids ask me hard questions and I’ve remembered to pray about my response—even a short “Lord help me” prayer—I’ve had words come out of my mouth that could only be from God.
- Be honest. I always want my kids to get the truth from my husband and me and not from other, perhaps less trustworthy, sources (hey internet, I’m looking at you). If I give them the truth, using words and information that is appropriate for their age and grounded in Scripture, they’ll be less likely to look for that information elsewhere.
- Ask follow-up questions. Get to the reason behind the questions. After answering Avery’s questions, I asked her what brought this up? Turns out she had JUST realized that not all kids live with both their mom and dad; that some of her friends’ parents were divorced. She thought it was something that happened to all parents eventually. If I hadn’t asked more questions, I wouldn’t have known this, and Avery would have continued to be afraid and that’s not okay.
- End with hugs. As difficult as these questions are, I’m always thankful my kids are talking to me. I always try to hug, tell them how much I love them and thank them for talking to me. And honestly, is there a such thing as hugging our kids too much?!
I’d love to hear from you. What do you do when your kids ask hard questions?